The Sublime Passage

A few posts ago I put out a call to the universe to allow me to see  some things in my life differently.

It delivered.

I was chatting online with a friend I have not seen for 12 years. We chatted for several hours, catching each other up on the happenings in our lives.

She asked me to fill her in on the details of my love life. So I tried to encapsulate 10+ years of  dating drama. I concluded my synopsis by saying “I’m not sure what the deal is with dating unavailable/inaccessible men”.

Her reply was instant: “You date unavailable men because you’re a commitment phobe darling”.

I was stunned. I felt as if the entire landscape of my life had just shifted.

I had never seen it that way.

As my brain scrambled to process this notion – a sinking feeling came over me. She was absolutely right.

The next day I called my best friend to ask her opinion.  I shared the conversation with her. There was silence on the phone then she said, “WOW!  WOW!.”

“Am I really a commitmentphobe?”  I asked desperately, holding onto a tiny kernel of hope that she might completely discount the idea. Instead she said, “Yes. I think its true. You don’t want to commit”.

I know I said I wanted to see things differently but holy cow!

So all these years that I’ve been blaming the guys I dated it was ME all along. Oh the horror.

The more I thought about it, the more it became clear to me that I knew the truth along. I knew better than to place blame outside of myself. I’ve known better for a long time, but I was hanging onto to this story I’d chosen to tell myself about it. That, in my dating life, I was the long-suffering victim of what Bridget Jones called “commitmentphobics” and emotional “f***wits”.

The more I think about it the more sense it makes and I realize how obvious it has been all along  and just how tightly I was clutching onto being right instead of seeing what in my heart and head I knew to be true.

I know that nothing in our lives is ever about other people. The relationships in our lives are but mirrors which reflect back to us all our own beliefs about ourselves and about the world.

They mirror back to us what we believe we do or don’t deserve and what we expect.

Even if we’re saying we want something different with our mouths -it doesn’t matter. The mirror will always show what we BELIEVE we deserve.

I’ve been saying I want all kinds of thing but truth be told I’ve been believing something totally different.

If we’re willing to admit it we’ll see that the mirror shows us the stark reality of all our fears. All our wounds.

The good news is that when we change our true beliefs, the mirror can reflect back abundant  joy, peace, love, and all that is good!

We just have to give up our stories. Delve beneath the surface for the beliefs that no longer serve our good and let them go!

It all starts with being willing to see things differently…